Back From The Battlefield


(source: supersonicart)

It’s been nearly three months and a lot of things happened. Career-wise, in terms of my mental health or my studies. I went through a lot of stressful times and survived, thankfully. Met new people, found new friends, became a little bit more confident and stronger. Realized a few things and most of them became a source of joy in my life.

First things first, I was admitted to a mental hospital for the third time. I went through another depressive episode which was very unfortunate given it clashed with my timetable for studying for university entrance exams. I brought some books with me, but only read three of them in the whole three weeks I have stayed there. Came back with two new best friends and a new diagnosis of BPD in my papers.

When I was at the hospital I was still deciding if I should quit my job and finally set my sights on studying as I intended to. I wasn’t very determined to do so since it was my main source of income and I needed money not only to give something to the household and not be such a leech to my parents. In the end, I thought that if I were to study and work and stress about handling this, I would have to go to the hospital again. The bigger problem was that I felt almost guilty for doing so, postponing the decision till the last minute. When I finally decided, after consulting friends and psychiatrists, I decided to tear off the band-aid as soon as possible and do it. So I called my boss one Thursday afternoon to tell her the news. She was rather sad, but what could she do? She knew she was hiring a disabled woman who had her mental health at the stake every time something stressful happened to her.

So, I quit my job. Apart from occasional filling in for a cashier when I have time, I no longer have a job. Instead, I focused on my studies and readings for uni exams. I did fairly well, passed all the written parts for all of my possible majors, as well as oral parts, but I still don’t know what is the number of points I need to have to be actually admitted. It all depends on how well the other possible students did. So I am awaiting the results patiently and hoping for as much as I can get with the weak scores from two of the oral exams acquired.

I am here, posting again on various social media sites and working for one news site. I am currently working on my first article and it is one hell of a job. My workspace is a mess, I need to study some more before I enter the uni and I think I am going through another depressive episode. But I am trying to be proactive and keep myself up without actually falling into the bottomless pit of despair just like some months ago. I need to keep working, keep writing, keep being positive.

Hopefully, I will get some new posts uploaded very soon. Have a nice Sunday everyone!



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